What
do #MeToo, prochoice, prolife, pro-Trump, anti-Trump, climate-change
enthusiasts and climate-change deniers all have in common? All have the potential for tremendous good or
unspeakable evil, because we flawed humans are behind each of them. For me the rhetoric I have been hearing
especially the past year has left me nauseous and disgusted. What is particularly loathsome is when I hear
it . . . well . . . should I admit this? . . . in myself. Now we could point our fingers of blame to
the government or media; but, as I look at it, we all share some guilt in the
deterioration of public discourse. So,
the problem is us.
What
can we collectively do about it? I
suppose we could all take a class in political correctness but tomorrow what we
learned will likely be declared obsolete by new forms of “acceptable speech.” I
guess what is acceptable, like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder (or
listener). Or we could withdraw
completely from society freeing ourselves of media and internet saturation but,
like most monastic societies that have existed throughout history, you can
remove yourself from exterior evil, but interior evil is still present. We learned that from the great reformer
Martin Luther. Yes, he agreed with Jesus
– sin starts in the heart. So, what can
work?
One
Bible passage I have found helpful is Ephesians 4:29 NIV that reads, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of
your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their
needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Unwholesome talk is not just profanity, but
any wording used to tear down others. That would include gossip and slander and
back-handed compliments. Our words, then, should build others up for
their needs and benefit. These “winsome
words” focus on the other person. Eugene
Peterson in his paraphrase the Message renders it this way, “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or
dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” I so much wish our demoralizing political
rhetoric would begin to follow this prescription. It would bring great healing to the issues of
the day because open and honest communication would be taking place.
Another
positive outcome of winsome words is it opens us to contrasting viewpoints we
may not have considered. We hear the
other side’s “arguments” from a fresh perspective. That has the potential of bringing our minds
together offering real and transforming solutions to the problem we are
addressing.
Also,
and perhaps this is the most important outcome, winsome words humanize those
with whom we disagree. We begin to see
them as real people not just part of a group or organization we dislike. Years ago, when I pastored in Denver, I had
the dubious experience of performing a funeral service for a young man who had
been murdered. He was the son of a US
District Court judge and had worked as a bartender at “Shotgun Willies” a Denver
strip club. He had a big heart, however,
and would often take patrons home with him for a place to spend the night. One night Dougie, as they called him, took
home a young couple who proceeded to murder him throughout the night. I remember they poured bleach down his throat
and did a host of other grisly atrocities before he died later that morning. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Knowing he had made a habit of helping others
made doing his funeral a little easier for I could find something winsome to
say about him. Before his funeral,
however, I looked down on folks like Dougie.
Then at the graveyard service several of the women he knew from the
club, who were exotic dancers, came up to the microphone telling their stories
of how Dougie helped them by paying their tuition for college or vocational
school or paying their rent. For the
first time, I saw these women, and Dougie too, as real human beings with goals
and aspirations just like me.
Well
my friends, winsome words are not just for politicians or the media but for all
of us. We can give this same gift to one
another as we discuss the perplexing issues of the day with respect and concern
for the other person. By one person at a time, therefore, we can raise the bar
on standards for public dialogue simply through using winsome words. Maybe the media and politicians will take
notice. If we don’t do it, nothing will change.
Whom can you bless today with winsome words?
